all the ways we say I love you---you glow, but only in a breathless voice likebreathing underwater. morning after scratchesdown his back. love bites in unusual places. ruininghis shirt when your heart bleeds mascara isn't I love you,but the fact that he let you is. don't go.building yourself a home inside his ribs.yes,I'll stay a little longer. sweet dreams text messagesat four am because he doesn't sleep likenormal people do. quiet desperation in the wayyou say his name.no, don't say that, don't ever say that. the nighthe clung to you like a child because he dreamt that youweren't breathing. please don't do this.not this. knowing the angle of his jaw by touch. the wayhe runs a finger along yours. breathing whisper-kissesagainst his skin. every single poem for years,and years,and years.maps of foreign countries you could rule together. your eyes.I haven't felt this warm in months.the way he grabbed your hand the last time, when he knewbut you didn't, a
dirty pretty poems1.Cold tea-cups jumpedoff the table when I opened my eyes this morning.They must not like the sound of my eyelashes crashing into eachotherand must know how sometimesoxygen feels too far from our sinking lungs.2.When my hipbones became loose hinges,half sliced off and a sore-thumb view, it did not occur to methat I was ill, just a little bit below the floorboardswith the taps of people walking above, nobody ever knowswhen I am there.3.I believe that wine bottles mean something differentfor everyoneand for me it is not just a delightfully fruitydrink to sip with friends, it is a two pm lecture I cannot build up courage to go toand pretending my head is in the clouds when really it is with my heartunder the table and wine bottles are just another way of sayingmy red eyes are locked in a drawer with black underwear and sad songsand I do not want to let them out today --the wine is all gone nowand so am I.4.Paintings are beautiful and I want to draw your eyebrows in
004. Dark001.She plucks stonesfrom the fragrant earth,says they are piecesof her existance. I lookthe other way.002.At night,a single star;The sky sparksher tears. She callsthem pearls, diamonds.I call them lost children,tiny run-aways.003.She could have been a dancer,the glowing queen of a ballet.Instead she tangles with boys &cigarettes;I am becomingherashtray.
Conversations...---i. It could be that were done, bundled ungracefully and tied with bits of black lace and heartstrings. My life ends with yours, you said, and all your gold-dusted eyes. Ive only two, I laughed. Yes. But they go on forever.ii. Softly, oh slowly. Your voice is my favourite shade of red, you whispered. Off-key looks good on you. I would hit you if you werent kissing me.iii. I painted my toenails yesterday, and I laughed today because you noticed. Almost, you confess, I almost didnt. But the colour reflected off your eyelashes, and I
The places we almost went.Lover, I wanted to go everywhere with you,tie our kite strings to the nearest boat and let itdrag us to the other side. I wanted to kiss youin Paris. I wanted the acoustics of the sky over Amsterdamcupped in my hands, to pour it over you whileyou slept and to lick the northern lights from the cornersof your eyes.I wanted to build forts in ourbedroom and call it paradise. I wanted to huntwild animals under the covers. I wantedAfrica's heat in the middle of December, anda plane ticket to Russia when I was ready for the cold,an extra pair of mittens and a handthat was willing to hold mine when it snowed.Lover, I wanted to sit beside youon the mountain and roll the world between us,kiss your face like a map andlet my lips dictate our destination. I was bittenby an endless travel bug, but I was lucky;your skin was always home,so I was never very far.
007. HeavenWe are silent as the rain falls ( And this is heaven, This is what I was meant for, or somethingvery similar because) Because: You and I are clouds of the same shape, we are wet with love. We are doing separate things, smiling smiling at each other, still.